I took a trip up the coast about six weeks ago with: Steph, Shelton, Janna and Adam- this is them in order from left to right looking at the picture below. The week we spent had a deep sense of with-ness. I remember thinking that there was no place I’d rather be.
The other day I was meeting in a discussion group in this class I am taking on dying. My degree program is quite limited in the amount of electives I can take (because I’m doing languages) and this professor had been very influencial in getting me to Fuller. So I took the class for fun-wanting to interact with him during my time here. Anyway, so we discuss: grief, loss, death, and dying for ten weeks. The question my discussion group was asked to explore was: If you knew you were to die in a year what would you do? Many of us said that we would surely quit school and travel and have meals with people and, you know, get really intentional. Some said—and this was very interesting to me, that they wouldn’t change a thing. Really? I thought. I got their point, perhaps they were really thankful or even glad to be in school again and grandparenting some awesome kids, ect. But this question has got under my skin, even begun to transform how I think about certain things I do-how I spend my time.
Being on the road heading through Big Sur with people I care for deeply is a sign post, a white blaze, pointing to the every day. Wednesday night a meal happens with a bunch of guys. We fool around on the guitar, do some pull ups on a boulder rack, eat while sharing our days with one another, and this week we washed the dished with our shirts off- like ya do. There was a deep sense of with-ness, presence you can feel in your gut. If I were to have a year to live, I would aim myself at these things. I wouldn’t worry about the mundane because I’d be in it, up to my neck.
But, perhaps that is just what my friends in class were getting at. Their bucket list was shaped by truest things around, not distant places but people. We have in us the kind of love and depth that can only be actualized through digging, planting and growing in the soil beneath our feet. I think I’m ready to start dying, to kick the bucket.
