A non-anxious presence was the posture Jesus was moving within when he said things like, “don’t worry about tomorrow” or “loose your life.” A guy Peter, who I met this week, said that Jesus was moving within a larger framework of love. He said this looked like loving engagement without capitchulating your fears or anxieties.
I reread Don Miller’s book, now named ‘Father Fiction’, the past day or two and was confronted by the ways the story of fathering has pushed my life toward health and heavy disruption. My life has in many ways been an anxious reaction to conditions rather than a journey of full relation to my surroundings.
Miller mentions that desciding who you want to become, before you try to attract that sexy other, is a better way to live. He then mentions that at twenty-something you really have no clear idea of who you are. But unconditional love heals people if they are up for moving and becoming.
What an honest and hard word for me coming after a week of intense self evaluation. In some ways I feel cut open while at the same time I feel healing in my veins, flowing. It is a settling feeling that invites me to rest in this non-anxious presence, sighing with the sunrise. But with a sigh, comes a confidence in that self that God is calling into maturity. There are actions, steps, some self-love, and self-giving I’m moving toward. It’s like open space I am finally exploring, bound by kind of freedom.
