This isn’t what I was intending to write about but it was something that hit me the other day at about four in the morning when talking with a friend. I exclaimed that I was a walking paradox. I guess I wasn’t quite sure how that was true but I think I may have thought that I wanted that to be true about myself. If I were to be a walking paradox I probably would have characteristics that completely polarize. Perhaps these polar charges would be the best parts of who I was as a person because these extremes would be marked by passion and serious commitment to a resolve.
I fear sometimes life is neither hot or cold however. Like when you are wading in the water and the waves surge and you feel the briskness of the depths but the sun treated top layer creates a lukewarm inbetween that your toes appreciate. There are beginnings and endings I guess in this world, definitive things that happen that change the direction of the journey in monumental ways but tonight as midnight approaches and my neck aches and I get ready to go toward LA in the morning I think that our polar charged excited selves can be lost in the aches and pains of the day. I am tired, so tired in fact but can’t seem to sleep to commit to rest. It is killing me, yet I want to live I want to be whole and so a paradox I am but not so much in that lively polar charged way mostly in a stunted awkward imbalance this week.
