It is not that I am scared or angry or mad but I am unpleasant in my soul and the soul is the whole self and so I allow myself to be ripped apart by thoughts instead of saying them out loud. It is the nature of being a seven (technical enneagram language) that can lead to isolation and a withdraw that is so uncharacteristic that I almost don’t recognize myself in these moments. Who is this unfulfilled wimp of a man with obsessions that lead not into paralyzing patterns but the avoiding kind. Avoidance I am learning is a bit like lying in that you avoid and avoid to the point you are having to remember why you were avoiding and you feel always on the look out, certainly for the situation you are trying to avoid. Avoidance takes confrontation as a lie takes truth to resolve the spinning cycle of worry. I have on my worry shoes and I need to kit them off and relax. So I wrote and recorded this tonight to move in that direction. It is called TAKE (confession song).
ive been lying to myself
ive been so angry
i cant say ive loved my nieghbor
i take the bread and wine in vein
wanta wake to a new day
open these eyes
take my sin away
